It's been a very horrible two days. I had become so paralyzed by my housing and financial situation that I wasn't able to make the simplest decision. It's a good thing I'm not working because I can hardly dress myself--selecting a clean Tshirt and shorts from the limited selection in my suitcase is a major task. I wear flipflops because keeping track of shoes and socks is too complicated.
I had a bit of a breakdown this afternoon, partly prompted by hours of viewing desperate, cockroach-infested houses and sad mobile homes perched at the dry edge of someone's property.
All of my dogs are acting out in the most horrible ways because they know that I am not happy, that something is not right. Harry broke into the extra dog food I brought to Austin and ate close to five cups of kibble. He looks like he's pregnant and moans when I pick him up. Cap has buzzsawed his way through dozens of toys in the past few days. He threw up a pound of kibble and dog toy bits last night--took him five tries to get it all out of his stomach. I was wiping up feet and ears from an array of stuffed toys, pieces of rubber balls, the sad half-cups of destroyed tennis balls, bits of stick, and hastily chewed kibble. Mimi, Jack, and Gracie are so on edge that they bark frantically at the slightest sound real or imagined. And Jack attacked Harry this afternoon for the first time in years.
I'm going home in the morning and I hope that I along with the dogs can recenter and calm down.
I'm blessed to have many friends that I can call on, friends who have both advice and other friends, but mainly friends who will calmly listen to me without dismissing my fears or ignoring my request for their time.
My mother talked me down from the ledge this afternoon and my good friend DSL made me laugh out loud with silly tales of silly dogs.
I'm nowhere near any sort of resolution or end to this difficult journey but at least I'm ready to face a few more days.
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