Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Dust and Shimmering Heat

A friend asked me tonight if we were going to keep in touch with each other after we left this place. And it turns out to be a harder question to answer than you might think.

A couple of weeks ago the same friend and I were shaking our heads over the fact that our friends and family back home (hers in the UK, mine in the US) never call us here--it is always us who do the calling. We manage to mentally reconcile the two work weeks, our Saturday to Wednesday, theirs Monday to Friday. We figure they have access to the same global time calculation methods that we do so they can't use the excuse of not knowing what time it is here. Many of us have some form of VOIP that provides our friends and family with a local number to call so they don't have to make an expensive call to a Saudi number. Yet they never call. Is it a case of "out of sight, out of mind"? Or do we suddenly become foreign for simply living in a foreign place, so foreign that normal modes of communication don't apply anymore?

We admit that here in Dhahran we live life according to a different pattern and at a very different pace. There is little reward and often active discouragement for us to put in extra hours on the evenings and weekends (possibly because it makes the Saudis look bad, but that's not where I want to go with this). We have to travel to a different country (Bahrain) with a full immigration and customs procedure both ways to purchase items as basic as tennis shoes and bacon. We have limited freedom of movement within this country but are given many days of vacation in which to go somewhere else. But the sidewalks pretty much roll up here with the sunset and most debaucheries are kept discreetly behind doors. Living in Dhahran was described to me as being like living in a small town, which I suppose is true if the small towns you've lived in are surrounded by electrified and razor-wired fences with 24-hour cameras and guards at gates with bullet-proof vests, sidearms, and automatic weapons. There is a veritable army, literally thousands, of small brown men to take care of the lawns, pick up the trash, clean the houses, wash and drive the cars. There are few places in the world where this lifestyle could be replicated, if it is even moral to want to do so.

We all know people who are very good friends with us who simply disappear from our view when they leave. That's our perspective, of course, that they disappear. From our friends' perspectives, I wonder if it isn't us who disappear in the dust and the shimmering heat. Even if they thought Dhahran was a paradise when they were here, it can hardly compete with the heaving, gleaming, colorful world that they now occupy on the other side.

Good intentions don't seem to be able to survive once you make that final trip across the desert.

4 comments:

oldgraymare said...

Actually, you usually beat me to the punch on the phone calls, but even if the calls from the outside world are scarce you're always in the hearts of your families. And I know that you will always find a way to keep alive that connection with good and dear friends.

Anonymous said...

This isn't a unique problem for folks in Saudi Arabia, it happens everywhere. We all have good intentions of staying in touch with old friends. Sometimes we do, but mostly we don't. Many times our friendships are based on shared activities (employment, hobbies, dog sports!) When that Activity is no longer shared, the basis for the friendship fades.

I enjoy reading your blog, and I check it on my daily round of the blogs I peruse. In a small way, it maintains at least one side of our friendship. I hate talking on the phone (just ask my family), and I'm terrible at chit-chat, but give me some wine and a silly game like Uno, and I'm all in. (the comment box said I could use some HTML tags, so I did)

BTW, I tend to be a conservative ass and support American exceptionalism, but I do understand that we in the US tend to be insular and live a life that is far removed from that of most of the planet's residents. In a way, the world you live in is in a way like the world we live in. It all depends on your perspective, but I understand exactly what you are saying.

Anonymous said...

I sure tortured the King's English with that one...

payingattention said...

I have to laugh because if it weren't for email or facebook, I wouldn't maintain very good contact with my friends, either, even those in the same town. If I see someone IRL (in real life), it is a major thing. My complaint is that the phone calls we get these days are all from charities or - to a lesser extent now that the elections are over, but not entirely gone - from political organizations, all with hands out, and we are on all of the available no-call lists. I do think of people often, but get myopic on the hamster wheel of life, and don't follow through. I like to think that as is usually the case, when I do get back in touch, we will all pick up where we left off.